Leave This Town
by HappyBunny6678
Summary: What happens when Kirk tells Bones how he feels? Pain. Even worse, what happens when he gets really sick? Poor Jim. Jim!Whumping. SLASH Jim/Bones. Rated M for later chapters. AU. Inspired by A Walk to Remember.
1. Liar, If We're Keeping Score

**A/N:** This is my first ST fic so be nice. It's AU in the sense that it follows none of the real plot other than McCoy is CMO and Kirk is Captain and so on. This is SLASH! It's Kirk/McCoy, McCoy/Kirk, Jim/Bones, and Leonard/Jim. Get it? Inspiration came from the movie _A Walk to Remember _and the song 'Life After You' by Daughtry. More chapters to come soon. =]

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own, nor will I ever own Star Trek XI or the sexy characters within this fiction. I wish I did. There would be a LOT of lemon. =D

**R&R I BEG OF YOU! *puppy dog face***

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Bones looked down at his Captain with rage in his eyes. Jim was hurt and he was hurt bad. He'd been hurt worse of course but not in this way. This time, however, it wasn't an aliens fault. No, this time it was his own fault. Bones' fist had a part in it as well but the reason for that fist was all Jim's.

"Don't you _ever_ try to play me like that again, kid." McCoy looked down right furious. Kirk looked hurt and scared. Though he was twenty-five, the man who was six years his senior had more power over him than he'd ever admit.

"Play you? Bones, I'm telling you, I'm not playing you! I've planned this out for weeks! It took everything I had to come here." He wiped a line of blood from his chin. Bones could hit _really _hard.

"Sure it did Jim. I'm sure you sat for weeks about how you were gonna tell me something you've probably told anything with legs that breaths." That thought seemed to make the doctor even madder. It made Jim hurt inside. He hurt as though someone had taken an old fashioned anvil and dropped it on his chest. This situation was getting out of hand quickly.

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Jim had walked to his dorm slowly. Tonight was the night. He was finally going to tell his best friend _exactly_ how he felt about him. For the first time in his life, James T. Kirk was going to say the three words to someone that he had never even said to his mother.

He was going to admit he loved someone other than himself.

When he opened the door, he walked over to where Bones was studying at his desk and stared at him for a while.

"You just gonna sit there kid? Or are you catch up on all that sleep you missed?" McCoy was gruff and not unusually so. His demeanor rarely changed.

"Don't need to." Jim's voice was soft and held no humor like it always did. This concerned McCoy and he turned around.

"Somethin' bothering you kid?"

"Yeah… well… kinda. Can I talk to you Bones? There's something I need to say." Jim kept his cool gaze aimed at the ground, afraid to lift it.

"Sure kid. I got time." McCoy was suspicious and concerned. He had never once seen the kid like this. It was unnatural!

"Bones, I thought about this long and hard. I made sure of it before now. At first I tried to make it go away. I thought I was just going through a thing, you know? But it stayed there. And I don't think I want it to go away."

"Jim do you have some sort of fungus or something? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" His sarcasm was emphasized by the ascent of one eyebrow.

"No Bones. That's not it. Just…" Jim sighed in frustration and pulled a hand over his face. "Leonard, I love you."

Before he knew what was happening, he was on the floor and stars had exploded across his field of vision.

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"That's not true Bones. I never said it to anyone before but you." Jim looked up at his friend imploringly, willing McCoy to believe him! It wasn't working. McCoy raised a hand and whacked it across Jim's face at full force. The slap came damn near close to giving the last real Kirk whiplash.

"Don't fucking lie to me James. And don't think you can turn me into another one of your one-nighters. I think you need to leave before I do something we'll both regret." In fact, Leonard McCoy was already regretting what he had done. But that was too bad. He didn't know how, but somehow the kid had found out about how he really felt and decided to use it in a sick joke. Bones wasn't a fool.

Jim just lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He knew this was going to happen. Sure Bones had hit him before and it had hurt but this was different. It was like he was completely paralyzed. There was physical and emotional pain that felt like it would kill him soon.

Bones was getting impatient with his ex friend. The pathetic man was just lying on the floor, looking at nothing. Bones decided to help him along and gave him a sharp kick to the side. Jim whimpered and was snapped back to reality. Bones was the one person he would never, ever fight back against. Instead he stood up, now broken ribs groaning in protest while his head swam, and grabbed the bag he had packed. James Kirk was never unprepared for situations. He knew what the chances of this happening were. He made sure his few belongings were ready to be taken away from what he wanted.

Bones' rejection had just cemented what Jim already knew. No matter how many people Jim seemed to have in his life, in the end, he was the only one he could rely on. His father died to save his life. His mother only saw his father in his face and was never planet side for him when he needed her. His brother Sam left him to escape his step father. Jim had thought that Bones would be different. He dealt with all of his shit for nearly 5 years so far. Why should the third be any different? Oh right. Jim had to go and open his mouth.

The rain outside had soaked Jim instantly. His leather jacket was doing little to help repel the offensive droplets of water. Jim remembered that he had forgotten to leave the letter for Bones on his desk. He turned back and began the trek back. He'd already been outside for close to two hours. He _had_ to give Bones the letter. It was imperative. Jim reached his old dorm and entered.

"Bones… sorry… forgot this…" All of the sudden Jim felt dizzy and hot. He noticed acute pain in his ribs that seemed to spread. He was swaying on his feet. Once Jim had pulled the letter from the one dry place in the middle of his bag, he left it on his old bed. Bones never said a word. Until Jim collapsed.

"Jim!"

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**A/N:** So what'd ya think? I do believe I will continue this. It should get interesting. Can anyone guess what's wrong with Jim? How about McCoy's reaction? Huh? Huh? Can ya?!

-Bunny =3


	2. Something Inside Me Dies

**DISCLAIMER:** First chapter.

**A/N:** I'm baaack! Well my story is. This chapter is dedicated to AgnesSophia, SRT-10 Blue Viper and Traptrogue6 because they were the first three to review! Thank you guys. =3

AgnesSophia: Thanks I'm glad you like it. I feel kinda bad for Jim whumping but he's Jim so he'll be okay. ;]

SRT-10 Blue Viper: Oh I definitely have enough ideas to continue. Thanks to you three, I shall!

Traptrogue6: Thanks. I will be for a while I think. =D

Passionfornight: Well thanks for reading anyways. Bones' reaction is somewhat explained here and it will be explained further. Ooooh inner turmoil time! .

Edward the spiderqueen: HA! Jim pregnant. That would be hilarious. I feel a one-shot coming on. xD

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Bones never expected any of this to happen. He never expected Jim to say those three words. He never expected himself to _hit_ Jim like that! The thought that he may have done this to his best friend made Leonard sick. He'd never been a violent man, never really yelled when not necessary. But Jim reminded him of Jocelyn in that one instance and he just… snapped. Jocelyn always used to tell him she loved him. Then she divorced him and took everything he had, including his precious little girl. He knew he shouldn't take it out on the kid. But damn Jim knew where to hit him, telling the truth or not. He never expected Jim to come back.

He hauled Jim onto his own bed and flashed a light in his eyes. Jim groaned.

"Jim! Hey come on kid. You need to wake up." Bones took notice of the hand print shaped bruise on Jim's face. Had he really hit Jim that hard? Or was it something else…? Carefully, Bones lifted up Jim's black t-shirt and examined his handy work. The nearly black bruise on his side made him sick. How could he have done this? To _Jim_!

"Bones? Whazzit?" His words were slurring. Probably from his fever.

"You got sick, kid. Need to check you out." Bones readied a hypospray with a cold remedy. Good thing that and the cures for pneumonia and the flu were some of the few things Jim could take without getting hands the size of baseball gloves. He jammed the metal stick into Jim's neck. Jim felt much better after a while and tried to sit up.

"Ow… what hit me?" Jim looked around in confusion.

"That would be me kid." Bones scowled.

"You _hit_ me? Bones! Those hands are meant to fix shit not break it, good a job as you did. He threw his friend-when-I-wanna-be the lopsided grin he was famous for.

"Jim. Enough jokes. You and me gotta talk." McCoy fixed Jim with a look that should have turned him to stone. He was trying to hide like he usually did.

"Yeah I know. Shouldn't you be signing stuff?" Jim attempted to distract Bones. It didn't work. But Bones sort of distracted himself with a look at Jim's arms.

"Jim how long have you had those petechiae? On your arms." McCoy took the right arm in his hands so he could look at it better.

"Those what?" Cue the blank stare from genius Jim.

"You know exactly what I'm talkin' about, kid."

"Um… about three weeks. Why?"

"Damnit Jim! This is why you come to the god damn sick bay! For check-ups you infantile idiot!"

Jim looked from his arm to Bones. "Why what's wrong? I'm fine Bones."

Bones could feel the vein in his forehead pulsing. "Right. First thing tomorrow, you're coming with me to the sick bay. I need to do a full work up on you."

"Why? I'm tellin' ya Bones. I'm fine."

"No you aren't."

"Aw I didn't know you cared." Another lopsided grin.

"About that. Jim you need to listen to me."

Meanwhile in Jim's brain: _Ohshitohshitohshitohshit. Just had to open your mouth didn't ya bigshot? Idiot!_

"Sure Bones. You listened to me earlier."

"Kid, me and you… together just isn't gonna work. I'm six years older than you, I got a kid. You're six years younger than me and all you do is go out and drink."

"Now wait a minute Bones. I love kids. You know that. I haven't gone drinking since my birthday. You know damn well that that's what I do then."

"Jim it wouldn't work." McCoy looked tired.

"Bones, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have feelings for me." Jim was confident this would work.

"If I did I would be lying. Still doesn't change anything though. It would be a waste of time, you and me."

"How does that not change anything?! A waste of time?! Bones, we've been best friends for years. But now I think we should get closer than that!" Bones could hear pleading in Jim's voice. He just wanted the kid to understand that he wasn't ready to be hurt. Instead, he hurt Jim. Again.

"There's someone else." The lie slipped from the doctor's tongue before he could stop it. The effect was instantaneous. A wall went up behind Jim's eyes but over the hurt. He closed himself off. That was the one thing Bones could have said that would have pierced Jim through. Worse than rejecting him even.

"Oh. All you had to do was say that. What's her name?" Jim plastered on a fake grin to let Bones know he was "okay". Bones looked at him with concern again.

"You don't know him. He lives next door to my mama in Savannah." Bones knew that would hurt Jim even more. The fact that he had a _man_ other than Jim and not a woman. Honestly, Bones knew why he was doing this. He just couldn't accept that Jim would have any feelings for him. In his life, only bad things happened to him. A good thing was always a fluke. For example, he had a beautiful daughter. The fluke? She was taken from him in a bitter divorce.

"Oh that's cool. How long have you been with him?"

"About six months."

"Congratulations then." The smile Jim gave him was the same as the day Jim was smuggled aboard _The Enterprise_. It was defeated but Jim still tried to make it real. He turned the smile off and put a hand to his head.

"You okay?" Bones put his own hand to Jim's head. It was on fire.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a headache. Had one all day. Just got worse."

"Jim you're burning up. I'm taking you to the sick bay now."

"Bones, we're on shore leave. It isn't the sick bay. Besides, I'm fine."

"It is the sick bay because we're beaming to the ship. I don't trust medical here. You aren't fine. I need to run some tests." Bones grabbed his comm. unit. "Scotty? Is the pad fixed? The kid needs medical."

"Aye doctor. She's ready."

Bones nodded. "Good. We'll be ready in two minutes. Beam us up then."

Jim noticed he still had the letter in his hand. With a pang of bitter guilt, he tore it to shreds. Bones noticed. "What's that?"

Jim smiled again. "Oh nothing. Just an old letter from Pike. Found it in my bag when I was packing."

"Oh okay." Bones bought it. "You set to go? I just gotta grab a few things."

"All set."

Thirty seconds later they were aboard the best ship in Starfleet history. A minute later they were in the sick bay. Four minutes later, Jim was missing a pint of blood. Two minutes later McCoy looked at Jim in disbelief and horror. Jim thought he could see sadness.

"Bones? You okay? What is it? My blood's not green is it?" That lopsided grin made its third appearance. It quickly fell when he saw Bones rub a rough hand over his face, looking older than he ever should.

"No Jim. Your blood isn't green." It looked like he was fighting some sort of internal battle with himself. He still looked horrified.

"Well then what is it?" Jim had never seen Bones this way. Not even when he came back with guts hanging out of a gaping wound. It scared him. Bones turned his back from Jim and leaned forward on one arm, wishing this was all a bad dream. He knew it wasn't.

"Jim, you have Leukemia."

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**A/N:** So what'd you guys think?! I really like this chapter. It was almost hard to write. Please R'n'R

-Bunny


	3. I Just Broke Down

**A/N: **Thanks guys for your awesome reviews! I never expected to get so much feedback so soon. Keep it up and I'll keep updating rapidly. =3

Bkau502: You'll see! (You got some of it right there. You get a cookie!) I'm glad you like it so far. =3

LadyVulcan471: I think I shocked everyone with his reaction. He has to take care of him! He's his bestest buddy. =D *skips along to write more*

coastiewife465: Oh yes he does. That's what makes this upcoming chapter AWESOME! xD And thanks, you gave me a great idea for how the crew handles this. Much obliged.

Traptrogue6: Thanks for your continuous reviewing! I'm glad to see I have return readers. =3 Bones is in biiig trouble now. Jim's reaction is in this chapter. I hope to post every other day or so depending on my schedule.

Ml90: Gladly =3

JazzyClaws: You won't have to wait much longer. =D

Lost-Remembrance: Thank you =D

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Jim blinked owlishly. "Bones I think you need to check my ears. I could have sworn you just said-''

"I did Jim." Bones cut his young friend off quite abruptly. If his voice cracked, Jim said nothing. Jim was stunned into silence though. That was never a good sign. The Captain felt like the vital, blood-pumping organ that had been previously ripped from his chest cavity had been torn out again. Did Starfleet have a regulation about this? Jim tried to think of how he could keep flying in space. He tried to think of the friends he had aboard and how much he wanted to stay with them. Instead he wound up thinking that he might not even live to the end of the year. There was no direct cure for Leukemia yet. It was still the same thing as before. Chemotherapy and radiation and possibly even a bone marrow transplant if needed. All of it was painful and none of it was easily hidden.

As for Bones, he was feeling something akin to having his heart ripped out. In retrospect he supposed it would have been the second time that day considering what Jim had done to him earlier and vice versa. Now he felt undeniably guilty. His best friend was essentially dying considering that he hadn't even begun to fight it yet. He had lied to him instead of telling him his true feelings just a half hour before. It seemed to Bones like this wasn't Jim's week. Of course he would still be there for his friend. How could he not? But now that he had damaged Jim that much, things were bound to change. He had seen that wall go up behind Jim. That was the only sign that Jim had withdrawn into himself and pulled away from everyone. Bones punched the wall as hard as he could.

Jim jumped. "Bones? Is your hand okay?" The kid sounded genuinely concerned.

Bones whirled on him. "Damnit, Jim! Why are you worrying about me?!" Hysteria was beginning to set in. Never in a million years would Bones think of this happening to Jim. _Jim._ The kid who smiled almost nonstop. The kid who became a _Captain_ in _three_ goddamn years! Jim!

Blue eyes looked genuinely confused. "Because you punched a wall." Deadpanned.

Bones' gaze turned concerned now. There seemed to be a lot of concern in the small room. "Jim, you know the chances for this. You know what will happen. How are you so calm?" There was an undertone of wonder in that question. Kirk wasn't entirely sure he liked it.

Broad shoulders shrugged which jostled his ribs and he winced. "Not much I can do about it. What's done is done. Better to look ahead than behind." Cue the lopsided Kirk grin. "Besides, there's never a no-win scenario. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission."

Bones rolled his eyes. "What does the permission idiom have to do with this situation, kid?"

"I must have screwed up somewhere. Obviously I didn't ask permission so now the universe is making me ask for forgiveness. Now as much fun as it is to breath with bones poking into your lungs – no pun intended – do you mind coming over here with that bone mender thingy?" Jim was too tired to use his genius brain and think of the technical term for the machine that was now laser sealing his robs together. He barely noticed when a dermal regenerator passed over his face and chest.

"Speakin' of which… sorry I snapped on you, kid." Bones pushed aside his pride and pigheaded tendencies to apologize. Jim grinned again. It was then that the good doctor realized that none of them reached Jim's eyes. He also noticed he could no longer read the emotions in Jim's eyes. He was cut off.

"Don't worry about it Bones. It's ok. I made a mistake." Jim hopped off the exam table, not noticing the wince of his own that overcame his friend. Jim honestly thought he had made a mistake. When Bones did not correct him, he was sure of it.

"You're gonna have to figure out how you wanna handle this."

"Yeah I know. I'll have a plan by Wednesday."

"That's only two days from today Jim."

"I know." Jim walked out the sickbay doors and to his own bed.

Back in his quarters, Jim began to reflect. He had already told Spock that he was on board for the rest of leave. Why the Vulcan was still on the ship during shore leave was a mystery to Jim. Spock looked curious but kept his too-blunt questions to himself. He thought further back than that to what had happened between himself and Bones. His doctor friend had gotten so angry and didn't believe Jim. There was a reason for that and Jim knew it but even still. Hitting and kicking him wasn't necessary. How was he supposed to know Bones had a boyfriend? Jim cringed at the thought of it not being him. It's not like Bones was the most open guy in the world. Hell, Jim had to look in his personnel file for his birthday! Sure he was his best friend but there were still boundaries. Oh well. It was over. Nothing he could do about it now. Just like there was nothing he could do about the fact that he had cancer.

Jim's breath left him in a 'whoosh'. "Shit. I've really got cancer." Jim never cried. He was a Starfleet Captain. He was a sturdy figure his crew relied on and looked for when they needed help. For once, all that fell away and he broke down. Jim wasn't aware of when he fell asleep. All he knew was that when he woke up, he knew what he should do next. He reached over and grabbed a blank PADD he had lying around.

_Bones,_

_ Here's my plan. I would have just left a message on the comm. but I was too tired. I only want four people to know about this not including me. Chapel because she has to, Spock because he has to, you (obviously) and Pike. If Pike knows then he can help cover for me. Eventually I'll tell Alpha Shift because they're the original crew but not immediately. I'll deal with telling them. You go enjoy shore leave. We still got a week._

_ Jim_

The Captain sent the message to his CMO and keyed in the lock code on his door. He didn't want anyone to visit him right now. Jim picked up another PADD and began on the next three messages he would have to write. He decided he wouldn't have to write one for Chapel because she probably already knew through Bones. Make that two then.

_Spock,_

_ Not quite sure how to put this. I would do it in a comm. message but that'd be just as hard. Bones told me a few hours ago that I have cancer. You may have to take over as acting Captain but not any time in the immediate future. You have orders not to breathe a word of this to anyone but Admiral Pike, Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel or myself. If you need to talk to someone, Uhura's fine._

_ Jim_

The thought of the Vulcan having to talk to someone was slightly unnerving. Could Jim really cause so much distress that Spock would have a breakdown? He shivered and not from the temperature.

_Admiral Pike,_

_ I'd like to call in that favor you owe me now, sir. I ask that you keep this upcoming information to yourself. Please. Dr. McCoy has just informed me that I have cancer. As I would like to stay Captain of this ship (you know I don't have anything else), I need your help in keeping it under wraps. Do you think you could do that for me?_

_ Jim_

He hit the send button twice to send it to his First Officer and his old mentor. Suddenly the PADD dinged. Bones had written him back.

Jim gulped and tapped the 'read' button.

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**A/N:** So? Did you like it? In the next chapter... REACTIONS! =D

-Bunny


	4. Coming To Terms

**A/N: **And here we go again for another thrilling installment! Thanks so much for your reviews.

Coastiewife465: Your idea was definitely a good one. If you ever want help with a story, feel free to PM me. =3 Of course he has to work for it! He was a jerk. (I love you Bones). .

Edward the spiderqueen: Ha! Good ol' Spock. And I quote, "A little sufferin' 's good for the soul." xD

AgnesSophia: Yeah Pike's gonna be a fun one to write, especially because of his relationship to Jim. OH! I hadn't even thought about what I was going to do about the letter. I'm sure I can work that in somewhere in a later chapter. –evil glint-

Doxiesmom14: Thanks I'm glad you like it. =]

Traptrogue6: You know, I thought about having a cure but the future can't be THAT perfect. Even their technology fails often enough. =D

Banbi-V: Aww thanks. I'm glad you like it. =3

Passionfornight: Thanks for reviewing. I'm hoping it's interesting. Otherwise this story would be a fail.

Rhea1305: Thanks. =]

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Well it wasn't really a message per se. Bones had sent something worse. A text message. Similar to the instant messages of the 20 and 21st centuries, it required him to answer immediately. And actually converse. Couldn't he be left to wallow alone? He sighed and opened the window.

_McCoy: Jim._

_Kirk: Yeah Bones?_

_McCoy: You really think that plan of yours will work?_

_Kirk: For now._

_McCoy: Why is your door locked?_

_Kirk: You tried to get in my room?_

_McCoy: Yes. I did. And my override didn't work. Wonder why that is._

_Kirk: I needed sleep._

_McCoy: Really?_

_Kirk: Yes._

_McCoy: Did you get any?_

_Kirk: Yes._

_McCoy: Is there a reason you're only giving one word answers?_

_Kirk: No._

_McCoy: Screw this. I'm calling you. Don't you dare turn that vid-screen off._

Jim sighed and exited the window. He rushed into his bathroom to get a cool towel and sooth his still red eyes. Satisfied that he had eradicated the red, Jim sat in front of his screen and pulled a hand through his hair. Just in the nick of time too, as Bones' face appeared on the previously black screen in front of him. For a second, hazel eyes searched the figure before him. Then there was a sigh of relief.

"Oh good."

"What?" Jim was slightly confused.

"I thought that maybe you'd try to… you know," he made a vague gesture across his neck with one finger.

"Not worth the effort," Jim deadpanned.

Bones raised one eyebrow is what could only be described as a tribute to Spock. "Jim? Are you alright? Your eyes look red."

Jim mentally swore. "Yeah Bones, I'm fine. Just need more sleep."

"Did you already send the messages?"

"One to Pike, one to Spock. Chapel probably already knows. Are you okay?" Jim was genuinely concerned again. His friend didn't look any better than he did. Jim was good at changing the subject.

"Yeah she does. I'm fine." Jim heard Bones' voice crack. His expression softened. Later, he would probably regret this but oh well. "Didn't I tell you to go enjoy shore leave? Go get some ass." Ah the Jim Kirk ten thousand watt smile. Good for fooling any unsuspecting woman or man of the threat level that was neatly contained behind its teeth but not Bones. He saw the hazel eyes narrow with suspicion. He hated that look!

"Shore leave isn't my thing, kid. You know that." He paused for a moment. "And god damnit would you stop smiling?!" Bones finally lost his calm composure. That fake smile slid from Jim's face like the fire from a candle in the wind.

"Sorry. Didn't know smiles upset you. Go to Savannah or something. See your mom and your boyfriend. Don't know when we'll be back on Earth again." With that, an unusually pale and shaky hand reached for the off button. He wanted to go back to sleep and wake up with everything back to normal. If only time travel without a black hole was possible.

"Jim, wait. I didn't mean it like that. I just… it's hard." Jim's hand paused.

"Yeah I know."

Awkward silence for roughly two minutes filled the air. Not the usual companionable silence the two shared. This was genuinely awkward.

"Jim, did you actually sleep restfully?"

"Yeah. A few hours." Jim's face was scrutinized.

"I'm coming over kid."

"Why?"

"Wanna talk to you about your plan. And I'm sure Spock and Pike will respond soon. Treatment needs to start soon too. Gotta make plans."

"Fine." The finger moved and the screen was once again black. "Computer, unlock Captain's quarters," a hiss followed by a click signified his commands had been followed, "locate Commander Spock as well."

A detached voice rang out from above him, "Commander Spock is currently on the bridge. Would you like him to be paged?"

"Affirmative computer."

The last thing Jim wanted was to be alone in a room with Bones right now. Not four minutes later, the door chime sounded. The only one who ever rang that thing out of the two expected guests was Spock. Jim commanded the door open and Spock walked in.

"Ah Mr. Spock. I hope I wasn't disturbing anything important." Jim smiled at his first officer but it didn't hold the usual cockiness. It was… gentle somehow.

"Not at all Captain. In fact I was just reading the details of your communication." Jim took a moment and examined Spock. He stood how he usually would, save a bit tense. It was his face that was mildly disturbing. He looked as he had the day his mother had been lost on Vulcan. Jim felt guilty.

"Ah yes. I thought you should know seeing as you'll be taking over when and if I'm incapacitated."

"That was very logical of you." Spock cocked his head to the side as if listening. Really what he was doing was feeling.

"I have my moments. If I may ask, did you tell Lieutenant Uhura?" Jim had given him permission but hadn't expected him to do so.

"I have not revealed to the Lieutenant the details of your message as of yet Captain." The Vulcan hesitated. "Though I would like to sometime in the near future. It is illogical but I feel as though I should speak with someone."

Jim rolled his baby blues. "Spock, humans aren't logical. Get used to it." He dropped the formality he had used earlier. He hated formality. "You can talk to me if you want. I'm sure Vulcans don't get sick like this." Jim still wouldn't say the 'C' word out loud. That would make it too real for him to handle.

"I believe that would be logical. Was there a reason you summoned me Captain?" He raised one of those nearly infuriating eyebrows of his.

"Ah yeah. About that. Bones is coming over to talk about my plan which involved telling you. I wanted you to be here." Jim had the dignity to look sheepish.

"So you wish my help in dealing with this?" If Jim didn't know better, he'd think the Vulcan was awed.

"Uh something like that, yeah. I don't want to be alone in a room with Bones either."

That eyebrow rose higher. "Has something happened between you and Doctor McCoy?"

Jim was saved from answering by the beep of his PADD. Admiral Pike had responded to his message. Boy that was fast. He quickly pressed open.

_Jim,_

_ You can't keep out of trouble for five minutes can you? Cancer huh? Well McCoy can take care of you better than any medical officer around. I'll help you. Sorry to hear it had to happen to you. If you every need somebody, you know I'm here. I can keep the heat off you as long as you need. You'll be fine. No-win scenarios don't exist remember?_

_ Pike_

To say Jim was relieved would be an understatement. Spock looked as though he was thinking. Then he spoke. "Captain, I would like to hear what happened between you and Doctor McCoy. It appears to be bothering you. Would you like to speak about it?" Vulcans were slightly empathetic. Since he walked into the room, Spock was able to feel how Jim felt. Jim tensed and straightened. He was caught off guard.

Jim looked like a deer caught in 20th century headlights. "Uh… not really. Talking about it won't do much good. But if you really want to know you can do that Vulcan thought transfer thing. Mind-meld."

"I believe that would be best. As I have your consent, it will not be as uncomfortable as previously." He held up his forefinger, middle finger and thumb and placed them on Jim's face. Quite instantly he saw what had transpired. Spock was furious. It took an unbelievable force to emotionally compromise Spock. Bones had just done that without even knowing it.

There was a pneumatic hiss and the door opened. Spock released Jim. His head swiveled to the door. Bones looked up. _Shit._

_

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_

**A/N:** Well how'd you like it? I thought a little bit of emotional override was in order for Spock's human side. R'n'R

-Bunny =3


	5. There's No Secrets This Year

**A/N:** Wow I'm updating this one fast! All my wonderful reviewers are giving me inspiration and ideas all the time so keep it up! I have a feeling this is going to be a good length story. =3

Coastiewife465: Well I wish you well there. =] Oh I know. For a doctor who should have some knowledge of psychology, Bones is an idiot.

Banbi-V: Bones should most definitely run. =D And yes I do.

Passionfornight: Well I didn't see Pike as being someone overly sappy with others or too brash. Spock most definitely would not condone the violence.

Lost-Remembrance: You never have to wait long with me. =D

Lady Lupindawn: Haha no he won't think like that. Well he won't really have time to think… It won't make you cry as much. Well maybe once or twice. But not like A Walk To Remember and not the same reasons. I couldn't resist emotional Spock. Jim's already his best friend for the most part and he doesn't like needless violence.

LadyVulcan471: Well you see, Spock has his reasons. As explained below. =D MUAHAHAHA! Bones and Jim will straighten it out. By the end of this chapter, they'll have to.

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Bones raised his head and his hazel eyes met Spock's brown ones. In a split second, there was a pale, well trained Vulcan hand lifting him off the ground by his collar.

"Spock, what the Hell are you doing?!" McCoy looked confused and angry.

"Spock, I order you to put him down!" Jim's voice was as commanding as he could make it. There was just a hint of panic.

"Captain, what Doctor McCoy did was highly illogical! I recommend he be put in the brig." Spock bared his teeth as he pushed Bones against a wall. What the Hell was going on here?

"Spock, your recommendation is denied. Release Doctor McCoy." Spock made no move to obey his C.O. Jim placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's ok Spock. It was my fault. Just let him go."

"Captain, that is highly illogical!"

"Jim what the Hell is going on here?!" McCoy growled at the figure behind his attacker.

"I asked Spock here to help with the plan. He asked what happened with us and I told him I didn't want to talk about it so I let him mind-meld." Jim shrugged. "Commander Spock I order you, under penalty of court martial to release Doctor McCoy." After a moment of hesitation, Spock released the Chief Medical Officer and backed away. Jim took his hand off the Vulcan's shoulder. Both men were clearly enraged and with every right on both parts. Jim was the only one not pissed off. He was quite serene in fact.

"Doctor McCoy, under Starfleet regulation four hundred ninety seven, section C, subsection eleven, paragraph two, assaulting one's commanding officer is punishable by court martial and up to twenty years in the brig." Spock was still seething.

"Spock, it's none of your goddamn business! And for your information, as CMO, I am _your_ commanding officer when you're medically unsound! Mentally, that means now." McCoy smirked as Spock colored in anger. The Vulcan and McCoy charged at the same time. Jim stepped between them and earned himself a few good bruises as he tried to force the two apart. He'd never seen Spock so angry. At some point feet got tangled and all three fell to the ground. As Jim shook his head and tried to push himself up, the other two sprang up and continued their argument.

"Doctor McCoy, violence of that caliber against the Captain was highly illogical and idiotic on your part!" Spock got in McCoy's face, malice in his eyes.

"I don't give a damn what you think! This ain't your business you green blooded hobgoblin!" McCoy was just as cooked at this point. Jim just lay on the floor and watched.

"Jim is my friend as well and when he is hurt to such a degree by someone whom claims to be his best friend that is my business."

"Really?" McCoy's mouth twisted into a sick smirk. It was apparent that he had had something to drink before arriving. That did not bode well for the matter of his inhibitions or at this point, the lack thereof. "Well did you happen to see the kid lyin' to me in that little view of yours? Huh? Didya see him make a fool of me?"

Jim kept his face neutral as he stood and calmly turned around. The two combatants did not take any notice. He was tired of this endless fighting. He walked to his bed as something close to "bastard son of a" was shouted at someone. Picking up his PADD, he walked to his bathroom and closed the door, locking it. He sat on the toilet and pulled up the message screen. Might as well let the two of them beat the Hell out of each other. He opened a text window and typed in Uhura's name.

_Kirk: Uhura, are you busy at the moment?_

_Uhura: What do you want Jim?_

_Kirk: Oh good, you're still on board. I thought you might have gone down on leave._

_Uhura: I repeat, what do you want Kirk?_

_Kirk: Oh nothing. Just bored. Locked away in my bathroom._

_Uhura: And why are you locked in your bathroom?_

_Kirk: Because your fiancé and Bones are killing each other in my quarters._

_Uhura: WHAT?! I'll be there in two seconds._

Jim exited the window for the second time that day and put the PADD on the floor. Then he took two towels from his storage unit and laid them in his shower. Everyone had abandoned the old water showers but Jim. He found them relaxing and opted to keep his. Once the shower was amply padded, he laid down. "Lights off." Then he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

Kirk heard a bang against his locked door as what was presumably be the two embroiled men, collided with it. Then Uhura stormed in and heated words were exchanged and then all fighting stopped. No one knocked on his door. No one said anything through the door. He heard some talking and then the door to his quarters opened again. He couldn't tell if someone had entered or exited so instead he just went to sleep, curled up in the shower.

When he awoke a few hours later, Jim was no better rested than before. In fact, he had gotten less rest than ever as nightmares of every length and variety plagued his mind. He heard talking outside the door so he assumed that people were still out there.

"Why God? Why are there still people out there?" He whispered to himself with a hint of humor. Why humor? Well if he didn't laugh at this point, he'd invariably go insane. Ordering the lights on, Jim stood up and looked in the mirror. He had a black eye and a split lip but nothing too bad. A bit of blood had run down his chin from his lip. It looked like it took a while to stop bleeding. He took a face cloth and wet it with cool water to clear the dried fluid from his face. Jim didn't blame Spock though why he was defending Jim was mildly puzzling. He didn't really blame McCoy either. A few drinks were warranted when you find out your best friend is sick. The only person Jim Kirk blamed was himself. If he had kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened. Too late for that now.

Kirk grabbed his PADD and opened the door. "Glad to see people still listen to me around here." He smirked when the three of them jumped. Spock and McCoy were sitting apart from each other with Uhura in the middle of them. She was crying. Jim's smile fell. The two men looked up and winced at Jim's face.

"Captain, I apologize for your injuries. I should not have become so enraged." Spock wasn't completely injury free. He had a few good bruises and cuts and a bandage on his wrist told Jim he probably sprained it. Jim shrugged.

"It's ok."

"Jim, I'm sorry for earlier." McCoy had a black eye and looked a bit worse than Spock. Jim felt a perverse satisfaction. Instead of speaking he just nodded.

"Kirk, I'm so sorry! I forgot you had locked yourself in there. And… I know about everything. I'm so, so sorry." Nyota stood and crossed the room, enveloping Jim in a hug. Boy did he feel awkward.

"It's ok Lieutenant. I understand." She released him and went back to her seat. Jim took his desk chair and spun it around, straddling it. No one said anything for a while. Suddenly the door chime rang. It seemed to be a day of visitors. Jim opened the door only to have his jaw fall. McCoy leapt from his chair. How in the Hell… this day just got better and better.

"Joanna!" Bones swept his daughter up in his arms. Jim got a headache.

This was going to be interesting.

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**A/N:** And so the plot thickens! Muahahaha! Time to use small children as an awesome plot device. =D R'n'R pretty please.

-Bunny


	6. Constantly It Burdens Me

**A/N:** Welcome to the next chapter!

Coastiewife465: Always have to keep you on your toes. =] You'll get to see their reactions soon I promise. I thought it would be something Spock would do considering what happened when Jim pissed him off.

Banbi-V: LOL NOO DON'T DIE! I NEED YOUR REVIEWS! xD

Lady Lupindawn: I love Joanna. =3 I think you'll like how this chapter ends. ;]

Traptrogue6: Oh don't worry, she will. =]

JazzyClaws: You'll see. Thanks for the review. =]

**CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT IN BOTTOM A/N! Please look. =]**

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"Joanna baby, what are you doin' here?" McCoy was ecstatic. He hadn't seen his baby since Christmas.

"Momma said I could come live with you daddy! Her new guy friend took her to a faraway place! I wish I could have gone with them but I get to be with you instead!" The bubbly child's mood went from happy to crestfallen and back to happy in a matter of seconds.

McCoy smiled and hugged his daughter, easily cloaking his anger. "Did she now? That's great baby!" McCoy shot Jim a look that clearly said 'I'll handle this. ' Jim answered with his own look of 'we'll talk about it later.'

Joanna peered at Jim and the others. "How come everyone's faces are all colored up?" Her daddy looked at a loss for words. Jim answered for him.

"Well little one, that's because we didn't behave. Do you know what happens when you don't behave on a star ship?" Joanna shook her head, curls bouncing. "Well, you don't get dessert." Jim smiled at the six year-old.

Joanna gasped. "You mean daddy and you and Mr. Vulcan won't get dessert?" Jim nodded. Joanna looked at her daddy sadly."Don't worry daddy. I'll share with you." McCoy and Jim chuckled. Then something dawned on the new arrival. "Daddy, who's the captain? I bet he's mean like all the other captains."

Jim looked affronted. "I am not mean!"Joanna startled and Jim held out his hand."Captain Jim Kirk, Miss Joanna McCoy. Welcome to my ship." For the first time in two days, the smile Jim flashed was totally genuine.

Joanna's eyes widened and she looked distinctly owlish with her big brown eyes. She blushed and held her smaller hand out, shaking Jim's hand. "Sorry Captain Jim." Bones rolled his eyes. Jim loved being called captain. Joanna just created a monster. Jim beamed even wider. "That's okay. Now how about you go with Mr. Vulcan and Lieutenant Uhura to take a tour of the ship? That way me and your daddy can get everything ready for you. Sound okay?" Spock didn't bristle at the name. Jim would have to remember that.

At Joanna's nod Bones put his daughter down. Jim gave a nod to his first officer and Uhura. Uhura stood and took Jo's hand in her own. "Come on sweetie." She and Spock left with Joanna in between them. It was kind of cute.

"They'll make good parents someday," Jim commented after they had left. Bones sighed. "What?" Jim asked.

"What am I gonna do kid? She can't stay here. Enterprise is no place for a kid." Jim looked at his CMO like he had lost his mind.

"What do you mean she can't stay here? Where else is she supposed to go? I'm Captain. It's ultimately my decision anyways. It's not like Jocelyn is going to come back for her. Do you see a problem with it?"

Bones did, in fact see a problem with it. He hated space more than anyone alive. Why would he want his only little girl to grow up there. "Jim I have a huge problem with it! Space is not a place for a little girl! She's only six! What about school? What about friends? A mother figure!" Bones looked to his Captain imploringly. Just this once he wanted Jim to agree with him. "What about a father figure too! I can't be CMO and her dad at the same time!" Boy was he freaking out. All the shirt from the past week was finally catching up to him with a vengeance.

Jim looked Bones dead in the eyes. The last thing he needed was for his anchor to be reeled in. "Bones, calm down. Joanna will be fine. I grew up without parents and I'm relatively fine. She doesn't have an abusive step dad in her way like I did. As for school, she's on a freaking star ship! With the world's number two genius as Captain no less. As far as other family goes, she has the crew! Chekov is seventeen. Perfect age for a big brother. you know he'll protect her like his own sister. Uhura is an aunt,sister and mom all in one! And when she's not being a mom, Chapel is. Scotty's the fun uncle, Sulu's another brother and Spock is perfect for the role of surrogate father. Then there's me."

Bones looked at Jim skeptically. Jim was definitely not the poster child for family."Yeah Jim. You're relatively fine, nightmares and all." It was a low blow and Bones knew it. But damnit this was his daughter they were talking about!"Where's she gonna sleep? What happens if the ship is going down? Huh? What happens then?"

Jim was suddenly very glad that he'd had practice with hiding hurt when he felt it. "I told you Bones, she doesn't have my stepfather. There's an empty room four down from you. If the ship goes down then I will make sure she knows how to pilot a shuttle and that there is always one available for her." Jim had planned for this eventuality already. Given Jocelyn's nature, it was inevitable. He really was hurt by Bones's statement. The young Captain knew his friend was stressed but that excuse can only go so far.

Bones was stunned momentarily. Jim was never much of a planner but it seemed as though he had planed this out arte well. Too well it seemed. "Somethin' you wanna tell me kid? Seems like you got it all figured out 'nd she only just got here. Did you know she was coming?" McCoy was fighting between tired, angry and suspicious.

Jim could see the balance tipping dangerously. Time to stop an explosion on board. "No Bones I didn't know she was coming. You think I woulda kept that from you? I always have a backup plan. You know that. I've been thinking that it'd be cool for her to come visit you for a while. Knew you'd protest. "Jim shrugged noncommittally. "Not that big a surprise really. Now relax and go find Joanna. I'll get her room ready. Don't have much for little girls but I'm sure I can manage. Uhura has pink stuff and stuffed animals. I'm sure she'd share."

At the mention of Jim fixing up Joanna's room, Bones looked up. "Jim you shouldn't do that. You should save your strength. 's dangerous if you break a bone too." It was only now that Bones realized that Jim hadn't gotten a lick of rest in a few days. He instantly felt guilty. He knew Jim had nightmares but he hadn't even tried to give him medication to help him sleep. He had never in the past but that was because he was always sleeping in the same room as Jim which... holy Hell! Jim couldn't even sleep without Bones! Could he nave been... nah. Bones pushed the thought aside as quickly as it had formed.

Jim rolled his baby blues. "Bones, I'll be fine. its not like I'm made of glass. Go before I make that an order. "Using that as a dismissal, Jim picked up his PADD and tapped on it with the stylus, opening the text window from earlier. He knew Uhura had her PADD because she never went anywhere without it.

_Krik: Uhura, we need to borrow some of your pink bedding for the princess. Maybe a stuffed animal or two?_

_Uhura: That's fine. We're in engineering now so go ahead. And Kirk... touch ANYTHING other than the bedding or the stuffed animals and I will castrate you._

_Kirk: You wound my honor! _

_Uhura: Shut up._

_Kirk: Shut up... Captain._

_Uhura: Kirk! You are soo lucky there's a little kid on board now._

_Kirk: Yeah yeah yeah I got it. Kirk out._

Kirk found himself too tired to argue and Bones was still standing there. "Bones? Is there a reason you're still here? Don't get me wrong I love your company but you have other..." Jim's voice trailed off as he felt warmth trickling down his nose. He put a tentative hand up and it came away with blood. "Ah. Just a little nosebleed. Nothing too bad." Jim grabbed a nearby tissue. "Anyways, go. They're in engineering."

"Jim that's a symptom of the Leukemia. We need to start soon. I'll have to go to the hospital nearby to cash in a few favors for the meds. I'll take Jo with me and get her a few toys and such." Bones ran a hand over his face again. This was getting worse and worse by the day.

Jim seemed lost in thought. Bones waved a hand in his face. "Huh? Oh yeah go ahead. Oh I had an idea Bones. You remember how you were worried about Joanna not having a father figure? Why not bring your boyfriend too? That way she's always got someone."

Bones looked pissed. Jim took an involuntary step backwards and Bones cursed himself. It wasn't Jim he was mad at. It was himself! He'd been nothing but an ass for days. He had lied to Jim and now that Jim was trying to help and hide his own hurt, Bones was taking it out on him.

"Sorry kid. Not mad at you. Just that things ain't been so good with me 'n him." Boy did Bones's southern come out when he was angry and tired.

"Oh okay. Sorry for bringing it up then." Jim shrugged again and made for the door. "Need to get Joanna's room ready." His face was oddly void of emotion, even with having a tissue shoved up his nose.

Bones grabbed his arm. "Jim wait..."

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**A/N:** And voila! Chapter 6. OH and I have an announcement! In case some of you haven't noticed, each chapter is the name or line of a song. The person who can tell me the name of each chapter so far gets to name an Ensign and pick the sub pairing they want to see more of. This can be Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chekov, anything! Good luck. =D

Hint:

1 - Line and Title (Easy)

2 - Line (Hard)

3 - Line (Easy)

4 - Title (Super Easy)

5 - Title (Medium)

6 - Line (Medium/Hard)

-Bunny


	7. Am I The Reason For Your Endless Sorrow?

**A/N:**And here is chapter 7! Congratulations to the winner, Crysania Fay! But for those of you that didn't win, good news! Each chapter will be named in the same way. The first person to tell me the name of the chapter when I post it will have the same opportunity! There's plenty of the crew to go around. =] And thank you to all my loyal readers. You guys give me amazing ideas. =3

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Nikimill: So close! It's not Liar (It takes two). It's Liar (It takes one to know one). =[

Passionfornight: xD I'm glad you like it. Bones is a good daddy for the most part. =]

Traptrogue6: Ah yes Bones. The way he dances around things is like a hippo walking. Anyways, I didn't necessarily say that about Jocelyn. ;)

Coastiewife465: That would be adorable! And perhaps this would be a good way to introduce some of the bridge characters. Always hisses for Bones. =3

JazzyClaws: So close!! D= All the question marks were mostly right except for number one. LOL I'm glad it did good things.

Crysania Fay: Good job! You win which we already talked about. xD

Banbi-V: I just couldn't resist Jo. How could I kill off poor Jim for more than a few seconds? D=

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Jim turned around and cocked his head to the side. "What is it Bones?" Bones' grip was light on his arm but Jim still knew it would leave a bruise.

Bones floundered for a moment as he didn't think Jim would turn around. Jesus, the kid was like a puppy! Loyal and always there when called. "Uh… we need to start ASAP so I'm gonna go planet side for a few hours and bring Jo with me. We'll be back by supper and we'll start tomorrow."

Jim looked mildly confused for a second but nodded. "No rush Bones. We still got time on leave." Then something dinged and both turned to see Admiral Pike's face on the vid screen.

"No you don't Captain. You leave tomorrow." His weathered face looked serious.

"Something wrong Admiral?" Jim asked. If Pike wasn't calling him Jim, he wasn't going to call Pike Chris. That's how their system of informality worked.

"Yeah Jim, something is wrong. You have cancer or don't you remember?" The dry sarcasm had an edge to it this time. Something was dangerously wrong. Pike kept looking over at McCoy and back to Jim as if sending a signal. Jim got it loud and clear.

"Go Bones. Be back by dinner." Jim's voice was strained as well. If Pike was this riled, Jim should be too. Surprisingly without argument, Bones left.

"What is it Chris?"

"I have more than one piece of bad news Jim. Which do you want first, the bad or the really bad?"

"Well considering the way my day has been going, how about the really bad? Maybe the bad will make it seem less… bad." Jim sat down in front of the screen, a tense hand going over his face.

"I trust Joanna made it there safely?" Of course Pike knew.

"Uh… yeah? How is that really bad news?" Jim was confused.

"It's not. But the reason she's there is."

"Well yeah. Jocelyn left on a vacation with her new boyfriend and sent the princess here." Jim shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before.

"No Jim, she didn't. Both Jocelyn and her family were killed while Joanna was at school."

Jim's jaw fell. "What?! How?! And why didn't princess tell us?" Jim's nickname for Joanna was catchy to him so it stayed.

"They were on their way to a gala in Louisiana. The shuttle crashed and killed them instantly. Joanna doesn't know. And before you ask, Joanna went to a boarding school. She wouldn't have been with them anyways." Pike sighed.

"Christ," something dawned on Jim, "Bones doesn't know does he?" he breathed.

"No Jim. And you need to tell him."

Jim spluttered. "I need to _what?!_ Are you insane?! The man hit me for telling him the truth!"

"Kirk, you are the Captain of that ship! Act like it!" Pike barked. He hated it when rookies acted like kids.

"Sorry sir. What's the bad news?"

"You have a mission. New Vulcan is under attack again by the Klingons. Sarek has asked for our help."

"And I have to inform Spock as well. Wonderful. If you'll excuse me, Admiral, I need to go deliver more bad news than ever before today. Oh but before I go, anything else you'd like me to tell my crew? Is Uhura's pet cat dead? Sulu's sister pregnant? Oh I know! Chekov is being deported!" Jim had just about had it with bad news. He was done with it.

"Jim, I understand this is hard but it has to be done."

"Yeah yeah I got it. Wait a second, why didn't Joanna just stay with Bones' mom?"

"She's been dead for a year."

"You're kidding me." A year. Jim and Bones were never apart. Ever! Yet somehow he missed that one little detail.

Pike rolled his eyes. "McCoy never told you?"

Jim let his head fall to the table with a loud thunk. "Nope. Goodbye Admiral."

"Jim wait-" The button was pushed and Pike's face disappeared.

Jim left his head where it was for a few moments. He decided he would deal with the delivery later. For now, he went to get everything ready for Joanna.

From Uhura's room, Jim grabbed the extra pink bedding from her closet and took a little-girl sized hippo stuffed animal. From his own room, he took the small model of the U.S.S. Enterprise and one of his ancient children's books. From Bones' room, he took a duplicate of a picture of Jocelyn. With everything in arms, he walked to the bare room that was soon to be fit for a princess. As he flung the sheets into the air and let them settle gently on the mattress, he thought about the past and the future.

Why did it look like Bones was going to say something different? Jim had known the man long enough to know when something was up. That look Bones kept giving him… it was almost like Jim was far away and Bones was trying to reach him with his eyes but putting a wall in the way on purpose. Sort of like when a kid puts his hand up against the glass at a zoo. Was Jim a caged animal?

As the comforter settled down on top of the sheet, his thought path changed.

Bones didn't trust him. From what Pike had said, Bones hadn't trusted him in a year. He actually thought Jim knew Jo was coming aboard! And then there was the fight between Bones and Spock. Had all three people forgotten he had locked himself away or did they leave him there on purpose? Maybe they thought he needed the space. Why did Bones even bring up his boyfriend in the first place if things weren't going well? And the nerve of Pike! It was supposed to be Starfleet Command's job to inform members of deceased family, not him. God, how much will Bones wind up hating him?

Once Jim had everything done, he went back to his room and plopped onto the couch. He picked up a PADD and opened a window for research. He typed in Bones' mom and hit 'Search'.

"_Samantha McCoy, loving wife and mother, died on March 22__nd__, 2258. She leaves behind her son Leonard McCoy and her granddaughter Joanna McCoy. Samantha died of natural causes at the age of seventy-four. She was a schoolteacher whose students will miss her."_

The obituary went on to talk about the wake and funeral and Jim smacked his forehead against the defenseless piece of technology. Repeatedly.

His room door slid open with no notice and Spock stepped in.

"Captain, Doctor McCoy and Miss Joanna have returned. Would it not be prudent to eat our evening meal… Captain, why are you causing yourself repeated blunt force injury to your skull? It seems highly illogical." Spock cocked one of his impeccable eyebrows.

"I won't be joining you this evening Spock. Humans do this when frustrated. At least, some do." Kirk's voice dripped with misery.

"Captain, would it not be easier to air your frustrations than to disturb a harmless piece of Federation equipment?"

"No Spock. It wouldn't."

"If I may Captain, what is the cause of your distress?"

Jim looked at the Vulcan like he had grown another head. Did no one listen to him these days?

"I just received several pieces of bad news. None of which I want to deal with."

"Perhaps I could be of assistance?" Spock had a good heart when he wanted to but he couldn't help this time and Jim told him as much.

"Not this time Spock. But if you see Bones on the warpath, that would be my fault again." Put another tally on the wall for Jim pissing Bones off in record time folks!

"What have you done to offend Doctor McCoy?"

"Me? Nothing! Why does everyone assume it's me?" He looked up at the pointy-eared logistical expert defensively. Spock just made his eyebrow higher. "Right. Well this time it won't be me. I'll be the messenger. Hey, I have a question for you. Were you aware the Bones' mom died?" Jim would be damned if he was the only one who didn't know.

Spock tilted his head to one side. "No I was not. When did this occur?"

"You'll never guess in a million years."

"Of course not. That would be physically impossible."

Jim rolled his eyes. "She died on my birthday last year."

Spock blinked. And blinked again. "That is… unfortunate. You did not know this either I presume?"

"Nope."

"I see. Well I suggest that we go to the kitchen for our meal before the Doctor takes it upon himself to come find you."

Again with the listening thing! "Spock, I said I am not going. And Doctor McCoy will be in my quarters for a while I suspect."

"Captain, you need a meal."

"And I'll get one from the replicator." As a dismissal, Jim picked up the PADD he had discarded and opened a text window.

_Kirk: Doctor McCoy, I need to see you in my quarters._

_McCoy: Kid? What's up with the formality?_

_Kirk: Just come here Bones._

Jim closed the window and Spock stared at him, calculating. "Commander Spock, do I need to order you out of here?" Said Vulcan merely shook his head.

"I apologize for my intrusion Captain. Good evening." Spock turned and nearly bumped headfirst into Bones. "Doctor." Spock acknowledged and left.

"Bones, how in the Hell do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Wind up here in like thirty seconds after I call you?"

"Usually I'm already on my way here. Now what's up? Other than the fact that you look like Hell. Really Jim, do you sleep?"

"Not much. Computer, close and lock door." The door slid closed with a hiss. "Sit down Bones." Jim said as he stood up. Bones took his spot.

"Kid?"

"I have no idea how… Joanna doesn't… Ah Hell!" Jim threw his arms up in the air. He had no idea what he was doing! He knew Bones still had a special place for his ex. What was he supposed to do?

"Jim, I'm not in the mood. Spit it out." McCoy was getting more and more nervous. If Jim was flustered, something was seriously wrong. Man the world was fucked up recently!

Jim straightened up and put his Captain face on. "Doctor McCoy, it is my deepest regret to inform you that your ex-wife, Miss Jocelyn Darnell and her family have all passed on."

Bones' jaw hit the ground. Then he jumped to his feet and had Jim's shirt in his fists. "Jim, that isn't funny."

Jim shook his head and broke Bones' grip. "It's not a joke. Since you don't believe me, I can show you the vid from Pike."

"No… just… how?" Bones sat down heavily once again.

"They were on their way to a charity event and their shuttle crashed." If Jim could have, he would have bashed his head against the wall for all the grief he was feeling.

"But Jo…" The usually gruff voice was nothing more than a whisper of shock.

"Was in a boarding school. Starfleet told her the story she told us so that she wouldn't be upset."

"Oh… I just… I can't…" Bones could feel the tears in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He would be the strong one damnit! To prove his point to himself, he reached out and punched the wall again.

"Bones! That's enough!" Jim snapped. That seemed to bring Bones out of it.

"What do you mean 'that's enough'?! My ex-wife is dead 'nd her parents too! Jo's got only me now 'nd all I got's her! 'Course you had to be the person to tell me. What, Command ain't had enough of its own fuckups so they pass 'em to the fuck up?" Bones was yelling now.

Jim couldn't take this anymore. "Doctor McCoy I said that was enough! Unless you want to see nothing but three walls and a force field for the next three days, I suggest you shut up!" Bones shut up. "I will _not_ have selfish, rude behavior on my ship. You will be allowed leeway for grieving but my courtesy will only extend so far! You're my best friend Bones but you've been being an ass for no reason."

"Yeah well best friends don't lie to each other!" Bones broke his own silence.

Jim made his next statement quietly. "I wasn't lying. But last I checked, best friends do tell each other when major things happen. That includes when their mother dies."

"On _your_ birthday too. Computer! Unlock door!" Acid tinted Bones' voice ugly.

"I'm well aware of that. Admiral Pike informed me of it. But before you go and blame that on me too, remember who you're talking to. She died of old age. Not because of me."

Bones was confused for a second. Had Jim just stood up to him? Then he realized how much of an ass he was being. Calling Jim a fuckup and hitting him and yelling… it crossed boundaries. He sat there dumbstruck for a moment, watching Jim take deep breaths of air.

"Oh my God Jim… I am so sorry… I just got carried away with the stress of everything…" Bones was sincerely sorry. Jim sighed and sat next to him.

"I know. And I understand that I'm the scapegoat for your anger and I don't mind as long as you don't take it too far."

Bones wiped his face and took a shaky breath in. "God Jim she was my _wife_…"

Leonard McCoy cried for the first time since his baby girl was born. And Jim Kirk was there to comfort him.

There was another pneumatic hiss and the door opened. Hadn't Jim locked… oh right! Bones opened it during their fight!

Joanna McCoy stood in the doorway with a harried looking Ensign Crysania Fay behind her.

"Daddy?"

"Captain!"

The ship rocked under what was presumably a blast.

_Shit._

_

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**A/N:** And that was the next chapter! Don't forget about the contest people! Crysania Fay's character will be showing up more in the next chapter. This one broke my heart! And I just love writing how Spock talks. xD

-Bunny


	8. I Have Known Terror Dizzy Spells

**A/N:** Welcome one, welcome all to the next installment of my story! Once again I would like to thank my loyal reviewers and encourage others to review more. Congratulations to JazzyClaws who was the first person to correctly guess the song from which chapter 7's title was taken. =] P.S. Sorry I was gone so long! Life's been very hectic lately. I'll try to do better I promise. =]

Lady Lupindawn: I just can't resist whumping. Haha I'm glad to hear I have you hooked! =D

Passionfornight: Bombshell isn't but should be my middle name. Spock is a Vulcan. He takes everything well. Vulcans are like rabbits! The population won't be low for long. xD

Coastiewife465: I'm glad I updated too. Longest chapter yet! Jim is having a bad lifetime in the AU timeline. Next time Bones will undoubtedly be in the brig, guaranteed. =3

Traptrogue6: Haha not at the moment you can't. But feel free to figure out a song name and earn the right. =D MUAHAHA my plan for emotional turmoil is working!

JazzyClaws: Aww thanks ^-^ AND YES! YOU WIN!

Ebony Coleman: Welcome to the story. =D Oh any accent does. But Southern is the most fun.

Crysania Fay: LOL I'm glad you're happy. Being mean to Jim is just so… Bones. Hm… you will be a blue shirt. This way either one could potentially cry over you. ;]

Raven2547: Lol glad you like it. xD

xhavenofgorex: Hah! That's my specialty. =]

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"Joanna!"

"Ensign Fay!" Both Jim and Bones jumped up at the same time. The blast rocked the ship and Joanna ran to her father. Jim made his way to the door. Another blast hit the ship and he doubled over. Bones and Jo were sitting on the bed. "Stay here unless you're called!" He yelled as he left and closed the door.

"What the Hell is going on out there?"

"Sir! It's a Klingon warbird! It came out of nowhere on its own and started firing! Commander Spock told me to get you." The harried young Ensign kept up with her Captain's fast pace while trying to stay standing. Kirk made a note to promote her later.

"Understood. You're in medical right?" The girl nodded. "Go there and get ready. Our shields won't hold much more." She nodded and ran in the opposite direction.

Once he reached the bridge, Kirk put on his "command face". "Commander Spock, report!"

"Captain! I'm sure Ensign Fay already told you of the details and there is no time for me to repeat them."

"Understood. I want main shields boosted and photon torpedoes fired on my mark. Meanwhile, get us the Hell out of here and make damn sure they follow! We have to get them away from Earth."

A chorus of "aye aye Captain!" was heard on the bridge and Jim sat in his chair, watching the stars whip past them as they traveled at warp speed. Once they dropped out of warp, all bets were off and they rounded on the warbird. "Ready everyone? Mark!" Jim ordered. Two torpedoes were fired and the Klingon shields flashed then dropped.

"Captain, it would appear as though they are already weakened. Do you wish us to destroy them?" Spock asked of Jim. The Captain thought for a second.

"We have to. Fire photons." There was a burst of light in space and the warbird was blown to pieces. Jim sighed. "Mr. Sulu, set a course for New Vulcan. Commander Spock, follow me please."

"Aye aye, sir." Sulu did as he was told and kept the curiosity out of his voice by a mere miracle.

"Mr. Sulu, you have the conn." Spock said as he followed Jim into the turbolift. "What is it Captain?"

"Spock, New Vulcan is under attack by Klingons. Your father asked for our help. I apologize for not informing you sooner but I had to inform a crew member of family deaths."

Spock set his mouth in a thin line. "I understand Jim. Do you know the extent of the damage the new planet has sustained?"

"It's not bad yet. A few Klingons were sighted on the other side of the planet away from the capital. We'll make it in time. I promise." Spock nodded and Jim left the turbolift. "If you need anything, let me know."

"Thank you Captain, though I doubt I will require anything from you. In fact, you look as though you require sleep. It is my recommendation that you fulfill this requirement as soon as possible."

"Yeah I know. You have the conn. when you get back up there." Kirk waved behind him and headed for his quarters. It wasn't until he opened his door that he remembered Bones and Joanna were still in his room.

"Jim! What the Hell was that!" Bones released his daughter and jumped off the bed.

"Warbird drifted towards Earth. We destroyed it and we're on our way to New Vulcan." He ran a hand over his face. The stress lately was piling on top of him. Bones took notice.

"Alright. Joanna baby, why don't you go to your room and take a nap. It's been a long day." Joanna yawned and nodded then trudged down the hall to her own room. Bones pulled his bag out from beneath Jim's bed. "I have the meds here. Gotta be administered intravenously for two hours a day. You can rest and I'll make sure those two hours are always on your off-shifts." He unfolded a metal pole that looked similar to a coat rack with wheels and hung a bag from it. Bones took the protective cover off of the sharp plastic end of the tube and punctured the bag, being careful not to let the catheter end slip. Jim watched and didn't particularly care.

Once Bones was done with the line, he lifted Jim's hand. "This may hurt but I can't give you any anesthetic cause of your allergies."

"Yeah yeah just get on with it." Bones grunted and carefully stuck the needle in the back of his hand. Jim didn't even move. With a sort of sick fascination, he watched as the toxic liquid seeped into his veins. It burned as it went along, sending a dull fire up his arm and into his chest. It felt sort of… funny. "Am I allowed to sleep during this?"

"Yeah. Just try not to move in your sleep. This is nasty stuff." Bones cautioned as he carefully cleaned up his surroundings. Jim closed his eyes and tried to relax. He heard a commotion outside his door in the form of Ensigns Fay and newbie Cathair Sullivan.

"I'm sorry but you can't go in there!" Fay said in exasperation.

"Please, we'll let him know you stopped by." Sullivan was just as irritated. Jim looked over and saw Bones had an eyebrow raised. The door slid open with a hiss – and Jim broke into peals of uncontrollable laughter. Standing in the doorway, with her hands on her hips and face set in determination and annoyance was none other than Joanna McCoy. "Sir! We tried to stop her but-" Sullivan tried to explain. Jim held his hand up and cut him off, wiping tears of laughter from his face.

"She's a little girl. And you guys had trouble." He held back more giggles. "You're dismissed." As they turned away, Jim looked at Joanna. "C'mere princess." He spread his arms and Bones was utterly flabbergasted when she grinned and jumped onto the bed with him and gave him a hug.

"Thank you for my room Captain Jim! It's really pretty. And the model and the picture of mommy are nice."

Jim laughed. "Well I'm glad you like them." He smiled down at the little ball of energy. "Aren't you forgetting something though?" Jim gestured his head towards a very shocked looking Bones. Joanna turned and blinked at him. "Hi daddy. So Captain Jim, where'd you get the model of the ship? And all the pink!"

Bones made a noise of indignation and Jim broke down to laughter again. Jim couldn't help the fact that he was good with kids. He always had been. Well not always. Since Tarsus he had gotten better. "I was given the model by a good friend. He was the captain of this ship before me. He gave it to me the first time he met me and challenged me to join Starfleet. The next day I was in San Francisco. Pretty neat huh?"

Joanna's eyes were wide with fascination and child like wonder. Jim's arm was starting to itch. He scratched at it absent-mindedly. "And the pink?"

"Well princess, you can thank Aunt Uhura for that. She was nice enough to lend you… some… some…"

"Captain Jim?" Joanna asked as she shook Jim's shoulder. "Daddy, Captain Jim isn't waking up." She looked confused. Bones looked over at his little girl and his best friend.

Jim was out cold.

His chest wasn't moving.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And just when things were getting better too.... =D I hath done what you commanded of me, oh mighty reviewers. There is yet more to be written.

-Bunny


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